{"id":1508,"date":"2008-10-03T15:59:38","date_gmt":"2008-10-03T23:59:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/angrypirate.com\/wordpress\/?p=1508"},"modified":"2008-10-03T15:59:38","modified_gmt":"2008-10-03T23:59:38","slug":"self-esteem-whered-you-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/self-esteem-whered-you-go\/","title":{"rendered":"self esteem, where'd you go?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Getting into this show<\/a> seems to have exposed just how low my self esteem has sunk about my work. I don’t know how that happened, or if it’s been like this all along. Maybe it’s just from feeling like I’m not in the studio enough. Maybe it’s just how I felt like I never had enough time to really resolve the paintings I did in school. Maybe I subconsciously don’t think I’m good enough to hang with the big guns.<\/p>\n

I always believe that one day I’ll get to some level that I can be really proud of, but I don’t ever really believe I’m “there now”, wherever “there” is. These feelings don’t scare me, they are more like an extended, bloated version of stage fright. I guess I was just startled at the realization that I carry around this belief that I’m an underachiever, that my ideas never come to fruition, and that there is no excuse for that. But that’s life, and there are<\/i> excuses, valid ones, and I should give myself a break. Wanting to be “great” is a very good aspiration, as long as I try not to be so hard on myself.<\/p>\n

So here I sit, looking at a big, busy month, wishing I had been more prepared for it than I am right now. But I’m going to take this ride and enjoy it as much as I can, and when people complement me, I’m going to feel proud of myself, and I’m going to thank them. Because I am so very thankful for all the support I get and I want to be worthy of it. I’m trying hard for you, all of you who believe in me sometimes more than I believe in myself. I am so very thankful for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Getting into this show seems to have exposed just how low my self esteem has sunk about my work. I don’t know how that happened, or if it’s been like this all along. Maybe it’s just from feeling like I’m not in the studio enough. Maybe it’s just how I felt like I never had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1508"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1508\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}