Just some ramblings about life…<\/p>\n
I just got off the phone with my product manager. It seems my contract job is like the energizer bunny. What started out in July 2008 as a 6 month contract appears to have morphed into a potentially very long term gig. I keep thinking I may be nearing the end of my contract and then bang, I get handed several more months of work. It’s great to have a solid job. I don’t like worrying about money. I like the feeling of being able to pay off my student loans in a timely manner. I like the idea of being able to afford to buy a house one day. As far as jobs measure up, this one is good, the people are good, the work is a good fit for me. It’s actually probably the mellowest, most reasonable job I’ve ever had. That’s kind of funny. I remember when climbing the ladder was important to me. Work used to be everything to me. Now I just want a reasonable job that I can take some pride in. Life outside of work is more important to me now. My only problems with my job now is my need for social interaction. I don’t think large amounts of time in isolation are all that good for me. But then again, I could work at Tom’s office every day if I wanted to. I choose to stay around the house for Mississippi and so I can get things done around here during slower times. So I suppose the isolation is partially self inflicted. I hate admitting that to Tom<\/a>. He’s going to say I told you so. And to be honest, I complain about the isolation from working at home but it’s the thing I am most afraid of loosing if I were to lose my job.<\/p>\n Today’s conference call was just another reminder that I need to better balance ‘work’ and art. I am always going to have to share my art practice with a full time job which may or may not be artistically engaging. This is my life, this is me, time to learn how to accept it. It means things may happen more slowly than I want them to but I think the trade off is worth it. I just sometimes wish my life could be more simple. I’ve been taking a lot of time off since we moved. Last night I chose to watch a movie when I should have been painting. I have a September 1st deadline and I’m behind. It’s so typical of me to procrastinate and it’s why I need deadlines I suppose. I will get it done, but it’ll probably be in a state of panic. It’s ok though, maybe panic helps my paintings. This is who I am, this is how I operate. For better or worse, this is my life. Panic and procrastination, lazy denial and feverish work. I awkwardly balance my day job with my art practices. I try to fit more into my day that I can handle physically or emotionally. The scales tip in one direction or the other depending on the week or month. I set goals, some of them I don’t meet. I just keep trying. I keep pushing that boulder up the hill.<\/p>\n Last week I got an opportunity to write for a Portland Art site. I have been stalling, mulling over what to write first. I should know better. I should jump in and get it done. Yes there are other deadlines, there are always other deadlines, other work, other personal projects I’d like to be doing. I guess it’s not one boulder but many.<\/p>\n So typical of me, In thinking about this concept of multiple boulders, I started daydreaming about inventing a multi-boulder pusher machine. It made me want to start another project about inventions. Maybe drawings of conceptual inventions that would make your life easier and fix your problems. This is why there are so many boulders, I always have to start something new, despite all the other things waiting to be finished. Last night I wanted to start making daily drawings that were hand written newspaper articles, or start a Barney Frank fan club. God I love Barney Frank.<\/p>\n