{"id":3682,"date":"2009-11-18T17:50:15","date_gmt":"2009-11-19T00:50:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alannarisse.com\/blog\/?p=3682"},"modified":"2009-11-18T18:10:55","modified_gmt":"2009-11-19T01:10:55","slug":"waiting-and-wanting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/waiting-and-wanting\/","title":{"rendered":"Waiting and Wanting"},"content":{"rendered":"

My computer died. It’s totally dead. The hard drive is still there but it won’t boot, not even in unix mode. It’s dead. I am backing up the hard drive and am going to just wipe the drive clean and o a fresh install of everything. It’s going to take a long time. It involves a lot of waiting. I hate waiting. <\/p>\n

\"11\/15<\/a><\/p>\n

I’m doing all sorts of waiting these days. Some moments I’m so good at it. I’m at peace and I can just go about my day, trying to enjoy my life right now. Other moments I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. My emotions run the gamet of giddy excitement to utter doom and gloom.<\/p>\n

I had a dream that a tooth fell out. It was stained and full of metal from cavities. It looked like it belonged to an old, road-weary person who had a hard, long life and didn’t take care of themselves very well. I have tooth dreams every few years but they always involve me running around trying to find someone who will put my tooth back in before it’s too late. Looking down at this tooth, I had no desire to put it back in my mouth. I almost looked at it in relief that I could go and get a shiny new white one to replace it. But I didn’t really want to loose my tooth, I thought we could still fix it. We went out looking for a dentist anyway, but I couldn’t find my insurance card. I kept digging and digging through my bag, which was full of all kinds of crap. Time was ticking away. I lost my place in line and had to start my wait all over again. I was right there at the door of the dentist’s office, but couldn’t get in, all because I had to wait. The lines kept getting longer and longer.<\/p>\n

And so today I think about waiting. waiting for things to happen, wondering if I’ve waited too long, and wanting very badly the thing I’m waiting for. It’s like watching a kettle boil, a very, very large kettle. The longer you stare, the larger it gets.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My computer died. It’s totally dead. The hard drive is still there but it won’t boot, not even in unix mode. It’s dead. I am backing up the hard drive and am going to just wipe the drive clean and o a fresh install of everything. It’s going to take a long time. It involves […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3682","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3682","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3682"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3682\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3684,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3682\/revisions\/3684"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}