{"id":7020,"date":"2014-08-11T14:13:16","date_gmt":"2014-08-11T21:13:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alannarisse.com\/blog\/?p=7020"},"modified":"2020-11-23T16:47:30","modified_gmt":"2020-11-23T23:47:30","slug":"breath-in-breath-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/breath-in-breath-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Breath in, Breath out"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The second summer intensive session for my Low-Residency MFA in Visual Studies is officially over. I have exactly one year until I graduate. I am moved out of the studio and all my stuff is piled up around the house. I&#8217;m exhausted and my stomach hates me for all the abuse it&#8217;s endured over the last 8 weeks. I&#8217;m going to have to start the decompression process now and I think it&#8217;s going to sting.<\/p>\n<p>My heart and mind (and stomach) have been through so much since last December. During spring break, I had so much critical theory to read and write about, I didn&#8217;t have much space left for my mind to process. Over the summer, as I did repetitive tasks like sewing pillows and bolting cardboard together, I was alone with my spinning brain\u00a0for the first time in a while and I went to some pretty dark places. My work was my therapy. Building my\u00a0installation was cathartic and I&#8217;m never going to forget this summer.<\/p>\n<p>While I&#8217;m still feeling raw, before the decompression starts, I feel like it&#8217;s a good time to share some things I learned or relearned this summer. Some lessons I&#8217;ve not\u00a0been\u00a0so good at actuating\u00a0but I&#8217;m working on it.<\/p>\n<p>So&#8230; things I&#8217;ve learned:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Keep your secrets close to your heart. Secrets are an artist&#8217;s best tool and they are more powerful when they remain secrets.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t follow the crowd. Make sure you give yourself enough space to have a greater perspective on your surroundings and the people you interact with.<\/li>\n<li>Veer away from unproductive complaining. Follow the light.<\/li>\n<li>In the same vein, don&#8217;t just complain, do something productive with your frustration. You are your best agent for change.<\/li>\n<li>Recognize the difference between surface friendships and deep affection. It&#8217;s rare to meet someone who moves you. Keep them close, don&#8217;t let them slip away. The rest is nice but not meaningful.<\/li>\n<li>Recognize the difference between the kind of hard work that is motivated by passion, and the kind that is\u00a0motivated out of a desire for competition and recognition.<\/li>\n<li>In general, don&#8217;t drink the kool-aid. If you do decide to drink the kool-aid, read the ingredients, really read them. Understand the ingredients for their strengths and weaknesses.<\/li>\n<li>Always love, hate will get you every time.<\/li>\n<li>Listen to your gut. It&#8217;s what propels your work to the next level. But you have to listen and then keep listening. Sometimes you aren&#8217;t quite ready to hear what your gut is trying to tell you.<\/li>\n<li>Ask questions that (may) have no answers. Keep asking them because the process of asking can reveal what is hidden or buried.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t be afraid. If you are afraid, open your eyes wide and jump in. When I used to raft, I loved being the bow paddler because I was terrified of the big rapids. If I was the bow paddler, I was staring my fear in the face and paddling right into it with all my might, and that felt amazing. So I want to be a bow paddler in my life.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Through this last year I have had ups and down for sure. It&#8217;s been really hard for me to accept that being a mom means I can&#8217;t throw every last cell of my body into my work like I&#8217;m inclined to do. I have to switch\u00a0hats all the time and that&#8217;s challenging. I&#8217;ve learned to accept my limitations\u00a0and understand that it means I can&#8217;t be my normal overachieving self all the time. And yet here I am, immensely proud of what I have accomplished thus far. Maybe I really can be a great mom AND kick ass in school and subsequent career.<\/p>\n<p>I will now retreat into a dark corner, hug my knees, and self stem until the sting wears off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The second summer intensive session for my Low-Residency MFA in Visual Studies is officially over. I have exactly one year until I graduate. I am moved out of the studio and all my stuff is piled up around the house. I&#8217;m exhausted and my stomach hates me for all the abuse it&#8217;s endured over the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7020","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7020"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7020\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7023,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7020\/revisions\/7023"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7020"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7020"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.alannarisse.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7020"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}