I thought I’d go get a check up, you’re supposed to do that, right? People tell me I should do that. And I am worried about some bumps on my skin, so I found a doctor and went to see her.
She looked at the bumps and said “well, they look benign to me but I’ll recommend a dermatologist for you to see.”
me: “do you think I should see a dermatologist?”
doctor: “well, you have fair skin, so it wouldn’t hurt.”
um, ok, that really clears things up. I love going to doctors so they can tell me absolutely nothing and then refer me to see another doctor who will tell me absolutely nothing.
me “I am constipated”
doctor “have you tried metamucel?”
me “yes, I’ve tried everything.”
doctor: “drink more water”
me “I drink tons of water”
doctor: “it’s really important to drink lots of water. most people don’t realize they are dehydrated.”
me: “believe me, dehydrated I am not.”
doctor: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
I think to myself, have you done something? Did I miss it? Aren’t you supposed to take my weight and tell me I need to loose 20 pounds, and aren’t you supposed to check my blood pressure and tell me I’m fine? Is this what I’m paying you for? To tell me to drink more water?
me: “I have insomnia, isn’t there an anti-anxiety sleeping pill that doesn’t knock you out as much as the over the counter sleeping pills?”
doctor: “sleeping pills don’t cure insomnia, have you tried benedryl?”
Now I’m thinking to myself, does that mean I should take sleeping pills for my allergies?
And as I’m leaving, after she has offered me not an ounce of valuable advice, she says: “make sure you get a pap test, sounds like it’s been about a year.”
Wow, gee, thanks, now I know why they pay you the big bucks.
Maybe if she had recommended Wilkinson’s family restaurant it would have fixed my butt.
Now I play this game to blank out my mind: bloxorz doctor smoctor.