loss

I cried a little the night my dad died, but it wasn’t overwhelming sorrow, they were simple tears. Tears of shock, not the tears of loss. I went to work the very next day. He didn’t want us to grieve. I was feeling fine, my boss asked me if I really wanted to be there. Sure, I said, staying busy helps. I had my coffee and worked for a while. I went to the bathroom and once the door closed shut behind me, I realised I was alone for the first time. The bathroom was so quiet, like a vacuum. The lights were so bright, like they were calling me out, exposing me. “hey, we see you, you can’t hide from us. You aren’t that strong, no one is.” The tears started. They filled my my insides like a dam breaking. I couldn’t even say goodbye at work, I just left. I couldn’t let anyone see me like that.