This week sort of feels like I’m entering into the last chute for the semester. I have one test on friday, a paper due next monday and then all my finals and one last paper after that. I think once I get past tuesday the 13th, I’ll be able to breath a little. I have a tough test on the 13th and I didn’t do so well on the last one. How I do on this test could be the difference between and A and a B. And damnit, I deserve an A. I’ve worked so hard in that class.
This weekend I tried to be nice to myself. I kinda flipped out on Friday. I’ve been having anxiety attacks since I got back from the trip over money, school, and work. The editing part of the book was more stressfull than I had imagined. I’m coping better right now. I’m trying to take St. John’s Wart. It’s supposed to be a mood stabilizer. I don’t know if it’s working but it at least reminds me to stay calm. I helped Tom get some furniture for the office this weekend. They have a holiday party on Friday and he can’t exactly drive a stick shift and carry heavy boxes by himself. I missed hanging out with Mod and that was sad but the day just passed too quickly. Tom made it up to me by feeding me meatballs and cinnamon rolls. It was nice to have an errand day with my man. It’s something I’ve been missing a great deal. We even went grocery shopping together this weekend. These little signs of normalcy are popping up here and there and remind me it doesn’t always have to be this way.
I’ve been filled with angst over school. Next month I work on phase two of school. I meet with a coucelor to see if I can graduate with my AA next semester and I figure out how I want to tackle the BFA. I’ll be spending a lot of time researching grants and may end up deciding on a slower timeline at State instead of trying to do it all in one big go at CCA. It all depends on funding. I’d love to finish and try to get some sort of normal schedule back. I feel so tossed around all the time. Plus I hate not having friends in my life. I need a sense of community so badly. So so badly.