carbon babies take over

Hydrogen converts to helium. The helium hangs out in the helium bar and the center of the star, chilling and mixing until gravity starts squeezing. Things get heated up and the helium starts making carbon babies. That’s what I learned today in class. Wednesday I learned that corn consumed them all! Them being the mound builders of the mid western united states. They were fine until corn came along and destroyed them! And now it will destroy all of us! And women of the 50s? they got a bum deal. Fancy detergent does not make one’s life easier. It just makes things more complicated. Remember that the next time you buy soap. You are complicating your lives. And college makes bad wives! Ne sois pas ridicule!

Ok so you can probably tell I might be a little loopy. It’s friday, just two days of class left before finals start. I can make it, I know, I just had a little melt down last night. Someone about believing that I don’t deserve to take a break from working for the man in order to get a higher education. Somewhere along my road of life, someone implanted some sort of self destruct chip that goes off whenever I get notions of being a financial burdon on anyone. I’m facing the reality that I might not get this second book deal and I just might have to spend the summer doing exactly what I should be doing… painting full time. And that scares me. School scares me. School is this thing where you pay some big institution lots of money so you can work really really hard, and lots of what you work on, will be of zero value to you in the future. It’s like a cruel joke in a way. And the funny part is, it still seems more appealing to put myself through all this torture than to go back to my day job. I don’t even have a choice at this point, I am compelled by every living cell in my body to go forward, hell be damned. Wait, does that make sense? hell be damned? did I just pull that out of my butt? Anyway, and once I finish school? then what? ok, don’t get ahead of yourself, just one step at a time. I have two big opportunities to show my work in october and I should really dedicate myself to this series. Yes sir, that’s what I should do. Unless of course I do get the book, then I’m gonna scream and cry and get through it just like I always do.

Don’t you people get tired of hearing me whine? I’m sorry, maybe I’ll switch things up this summer, take time to write things about the art world, not just about my selfish whining. ok, time for a nap or something.






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