yesterday was Valentine’s Day and though I tried to feel in the mood, I was overcome with anxiety over how far behind I am right now. Tom told me he wrote me a poem and I didn’t even get the time to read it last night. I just crawled in bed and whimpered a while until I could fall asleep. We had a nice, short celebration after I got home from school last night. Tom got me some books with lots of relief prints of bugs and sea creature and a book on writing your wedding ceremony. I have four new flowery pairs of underwear and the house was filled with beautiful bouquets and he covered me with kisses. It was all more than enough to feel so very loved.
Today was tough but productive. I held back a lot of tears and let a few out. I tried to work as hard as I could in class, and not think about all the things waiting to be done. I rushed around getting all the supplies I need for next weeks big push and listened to Ryan Adams over and over again, turned up loud, loud, loud on the car stereo. I just got home from a long day and read Tom’s poem to me. The tears are flowing like a river now. And I know that I have the most wonderful life, better than I could have ever imagined. There is so much change in the air, and it’s so overwhelming. I want to dream and plan and plot about my near future, and school is drowning me so I just have to keep going. It is going to be over so fast and this next phase of life will be here so soon. Just have to keep breathing. Tom, I love you so, so much. I couldn’t do this without you and I hope I am as good a friend, lover, and wife as you could ever dream, because you deserve everything in your wildest dreams.