I’m 36, I’ll be almost 38 by the time I graduate from CCA. Yeah, I been thinking about babies. It’s kinda hard not to when you get past 35. You hear all the terrible stuff, like did you know women over 35 have a 1 in 400 chance of having a baby with down syndrome? The number goes to 1 in 100 when you hit 40. One third of women over 35 will have troubles conceiving. That goes to 2/3rd when you hit 40. Menopause usually hits about the same time as your mother, so for me, probably around 45.
I made this choice to go back to school. I was the right choice, but man, has my life turned out so very, very different than I thought it would when I was say… 25, when I thought I had it all pretty much figured out (or am I kidding myself?). And so eventually you just have to ponder over some of the consequences of your decisions. I wouldn’t take anything back, and shit, I’m scared to death of having kids anyway, if I don’t wind up with kids, it’d be ok too. But it just makes you think about stuff. Like how’s this, I keep thinking about my dad. He died when I was 21, he was 61 years old and was probably about the age I’ll be if we ever do have kids. What would have happened to me if he’d died before I was 18. That thought is so scary. Finding my feet was hard enough back then. I’m sure I’ll probably live to some ripe old age, but you never know what’s going to happen, and the older you get, the more mortal you feel. I’m just feeling my mortality an awful lot this week. It’s probably best not to think about it.