Some people think freelancing means you get to do what you want, whenever you want and you have a cushie life where you only work 2 hours a day. On the contrary. Sometimes it feels like I have to work more hours for much less pay and I have to kiss way more ass. Some days that’s ok, some days it’s enough to push you over the edge.
Self managing is no cake walk either. There is no one to tell your friends, “No, Alanna can’t play right now, She has to get back to work or she’ll be up all night”. And when I’m not strong enough to do it myself, I beat myself up for loosing valuable hours. It’s no fun to tell people they have to leave. It’s no fun to tell your friends that you can’t see them. It’s no fun to work when your boyfriend sits in the other room watching movies without you.
I am standing at the bottom of a very big mountain. I have been waiting to start my steap climb for a month and a half now. I thought that I would have been already a good way up, but the client has forced me to stay grounded, to revise and revise, before I’m even allowed to start my ascent. As so many other contracts have gone, the completetion date remains the same but the amount of time I have to do it in, has dwindled conciderably, and the mountain just gets steaper. I just have less time to do it with now and I’m feeling beat up by the initial preparation phase. The focus of the project is so blurry at this point, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. It’s going to be a tough few months.
I’m sorry friends. I’ll keep updating you through this blog, but you may not see me again until next year. And I may not be the same person after having gone through this. But what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger, right? I’m going to need some boat drinks at the end of this thing.