Dear Dotty,
My best friend from high school and I have not gotten along since I met my fiancé six years ago. She has said some very mean things over the years and we have hardly seen one another, even though she lives just down the street. I have tried to keep in touch, hoping one day the anger would subside and we could restore our friendship. Last week my fiancé popped the question. All of our friends and relatives are so thrilled for us, he’s quite a catch. When I told my friend over the phone, her enthusiasm sounded a little fake. Just before we ended our conversation she said “He’s good enough, and that’s a lot.” This hurt me deeply and I don’t understand why anyone would say such a thing. Still, I felt like I should brush her spiteful comments aside. We were supposed to spend time with each other three days ago (her idea) and each day she cancels on me. What do I do? Should I finally just give up on our friendship? Am I just a big sucker for thinking we can ever patch things up? Please advise.
Battered Buddy
Dear Battered,
Unfortunately, this sort of thing is not uncommon. Best friends often have trouble adjusting to one another’s life changes through the years. People change and life is messy. She may have never gotten over the idea that she might have to share you with someone else. Maybe her own life isn’t going quite as she planned, and seeing you get married before her might be a bitter pill to swallow. If you really care about her, my best advise to you is to keep extending out the hand of friendship, but don’t let her walk all over you. Be firm but gentle and let her know you care. Hopefully she’ll eventually come around and be able to put her bitterness aside. You both still have a lot of life experiences to share together. Be patient.
You may also have to consider this: Six years is a long time. Maybe your relationship with your friend is irrepairable. Maybe it has nothing to do with how she feels about your fiancé. It could be that you are feeling more loss and regret over your defunct friendship with all the excitement surrounding your new engagement. You are experiencing a lot of emotions about love and family and commitement. You wish you could share this wonderful time in your life with her. You may have to live with the fact that the friendship may really and truly be over. And that’s ok, life goes on. You’ve still got memories.
Doting Dotty