When you get pregnant, people like to tell you all the terrible things that are going to happen to you. Your boobs are going to get all big and saggy, your feet are going to swell up, you’re going to be an emotional wreck, you won’t have any energy to do anything, you’ll gain a million pounds which you won’t loose after the baby is born, you won’t be able to sleep, the list goes on and on. So much of this hasn’t been true for me. And so I wonder, off all the terrible things they like to tell you about labor and having a new baby, how many of those are not going to happen for us either.
People say, go to the movies because you’ll never get to go to the movies again, they tell you your life as you know it is over. They tell you your dog is going to turn into Kujo. I’ve met people who haven’t gone on a date in 6 years. I look around Portland and I all see are happy parents with happy small babies, enjoying the world. They don’t look like slaves, they don’t look miserable and tired. So what gives? Why is it that people love to be so negative? I just don’t get it. It’s life, life changes, and having a baby means a different lifestyle than not having a baby. But we’re nearly 40 years old, we don’t enjoy partying all night long at night clubs, or snorting coke off of hooker’s backs. We like to go out to dinner, we like to make art and music, we like to watch movies at home, we like parks and hikes. How are these things incompatible with baby? Sure, we won’t get to see as much live music, but our interest in live shows isn’t what it once was, we’ll be quite happy getting the occasional sitter so we can go see some music. Tom is still going to play music, I’m still going to make art and go to sewing groups.
So I say this to all those newly pregnant people out there. Don’t listen to all the negative nancys. Who knows why they have a stick up their ass, but life goes on, it changes, evolves, and that’s great. Embrace it for however it turns out. Your pregnancy will be what it is, it will probably surprise you. Mine didn’t turn out at all like what I thought. I expected to feel huge, and not get sleep, and be all swollen, and never get to poop, and feel too tired to do anything. I didn’t expect to feel so comfortable in my body, even so late in the game. I certainly didn’t expect I’d have to go on this diabetes diet and how that would change me. I look in the mirror and I think hey, I look kinda cute. I have stretch marks, that’s probably the one thing I did expect that came true. But it’s ok, I can live with them. I was never swimsuit model material anyway.
And to all you negative nancys, guess what? My feet aren’t swollen at all, my wedding rings are still on, I can still touch my toes and tie my shoes, I feel great, I get decent sleep most nights, I don’t feel emotional or moody, I’m still getting lots done around the house, I’m still exercising, and I’m not afraid of labor. Sorry to disappoint you.
So here I am, nearing week 38. I’m having lots of braxton-hicks contractions but I still feel like I have a while to cook. I am not impatiently waiting for this pregnancy to be over. Strangely, I’ve kind of enjoyed it, and I’m sad at the idea it might be the last time I’m pregnant. Not that sad though, because I don’t think I could take another 9 months of beans.
I’ve been nervous about Heather coming. I started to panic about the birth, that maybe I wouldn’t want anyone but Tom and the midwives around. I talked about it with a couple friends. But when I talked to Tom, he brought me back down to earth. Heather is totally willing and able to step back if I need her to. She just wants to be here to see this child enter the world… my child. I think I was just getting all worked up in my mind about the labor, and how intense it might be. I started feeling like having anyone else here would make me feel like I was a freak show. But I feel more calm about it now. I want her here and she wants so badly to be here. And with all things in life, you just go through it one steps at a time, and you ask for what you need, when you need it, and sometimes there are moments when you need to summon up some extra strength and courage. But mostly, you just let yourself be in the moment. I’m excited I get to do this. I’m proud I chose a home birth and I’m so thankful it appears I’ll actually get to have one. I want to have this baby on my own time and I want Tom to be the one to help me through it. We have so much faith in our midwives and that is such a wonderful feeling, knowing you are in the most capable of hands. And it’s a powerful feeling knowing that they believe I am totally capable of birthing my own child. Can’t believe we get to give birth to our child in our amazing house!