Wow, what a strange week. I started a new contract job, and I gotta say, as far as first weeks go, this was the best I’ve had in a very, very long time. I sure hope they can keep enough work floating my way, because damn, I think this job is fixing me on many levels. It’s kinda exactly what I needed right now.
My throat is absolutely horrible. I’ve had an ulcer in my throat for over a week now. It’s huge and incredibly painful, and I can’t eat anything with any kind of texture at all. I attempted chewing the hell out of a soft corn tortilla and even that was too painful to swallow. I am patiently waiting for it to get better, it totally sucks and I’m completely miserable. I’m cranky, sad, and worn out. Boo hoo.
I am having a really hard time with all this student loan stuff. The reality of debt is hitting me hard. This is something I promised myself I would never do. It’s good that I’m willing to change, I do think it’s a positive thing, but man, it hurts, it really hurts. And to make matters worse, I ended up having to pay the remainder of my tuition, after stafford loans and scholarships, because my personal loan info hasn’t gone through. And well, I don’t have the money. I put it on my credit card. The savings account is nearly bled dry and there’s little hope of me keeping up with expenses this year. I have to figure something out. I need some sort of plan. And I found out I didn’t ask for enough for the private loan. I’m not used to having to pay an entire year’s tuition in one go, so I only asked for enough to cover Fall. Yeah anyway, I’m sure this is either boring you or bringing up painful memories you’d rather not think about. The bottom line is, I have to find a way to be ok with going into lots of debt. Either that, or I have to give up. Torturing myself is not helping anything, it doesn’t make the debt smaller, it just makes it hurt more.
I should think about paying tuition as a really really great present for myself. Bigger than a car, smaller than a house. But something that will last me the rest of my life. Nope… I’m still not buying it.
So yeah, I haven’t painted much this week. I needed a break from the life of a struggling artist/student. I needed to have a regular schedule, have coworkers, stay home at night after a hard days work. I needed to feel like my old self a little, to know that it’s still there when I need it. Even the bad memories sound kinda nostalgic to me right now.
How ironic is it that going to school to study painting, to try to change my career, will probably put me so far into debt that I’ll be forced back into full-time web development work for years just to pay for it all. It’s a possibility I need to think about. And it doesn’t seem so bad right now. Who knows what tomorrow brings. At this point, I’d settle for being able to eat solid food.