Last night I announced to my friend that I was only 18 drawings behind in my quest to create 365 drawings in 2010. He laughed. I understand why he laughed, but I told him not to. He said I was pregnant and I don’t need to put that kind of pressure on myself right now. It’s true. Making a human is an awful lot of work, and having a big goal like this right now is challenging, but it’s important. I’ve been thinking a great deal about the idea of walking the walk. I see my art school friends doing it and I don’t feel like I’m doing it. Like Angela said, I want to participate. I don’t feel like I’m participating in art the way I want to. I’ve had less shows than ever this year and that bothers me. I had to step back and allow more space for the pregnancy and my health, but I don’t want to let go completely. I’ve got to build in a regular practice that fits with my life and it’s taking me a little bit of time to find that. I will not give up though. I think about grad school every day. I think about gallery representation and I create imaginary shows in my head all the time. I think about the next year and how everything is going to change. I’m excited for the change and I know it’s going to be challenging.
My friend knows better than anyone about this. He’s a musician. He understands how easy it is to not play music, much easier than playing it, keeping a band together, making records. People say that musicians play and artists make, that they can’t help it. I don’t think it’s as easy as that. Life has a way of throwing all sorts of challenges your way. I think musicians and artists try, I think that’s what makes them special. No matter what obstacles or distractions they face, they make time for their art.
I could have chosen to stay single, not have a baby, not buy a house, all in the name of art, but I can honestly say, without the stability that my relationship has brought me, I would have never pursued art seriously. And so I see all of these life building things as stoking the art fire. Some years I’m not going to be able to make as much as as I want, but I will always try to do my best, to keep a special space in my life for it.
My friend finished our conversation by asking, where is the line between sketch and drawing? And I replied, Exactly! It can be anything and as the year progresses, I may be changing my definitions. I’ll find ways to make things fit.