I had a dream on Saturday night, a very strange dream. I was going into this company for an interview. They were going to let me work there as an intern while I went to school. I got to the interview without realizing that I had brought my pet mouse with me. I was very embarassed and appologized. They were very understanding and easy going about my little mousy who was unabashedly crawling all over me. They hired me on the spot when I told them my experience. When I went to report to my first day, I went to hide my mouse in a strange folding portfolio case thing. The mouse screamed. It had been squashed between the creases of the portfolio. I tried to get her out but she had been sliced in half. Her severed body had a weird, cartoon-like quality, like I was looking at the end of a hamhock. I had killed my mouse.
I think the mouse represented the artist in me. I squashed her when I took this job. I was very excited about the company but there were concequences to pay. I didn’t see the consequences until I had killed my mouse and I couldn’t take that back. I had to move forward, without my mouse. In all my excitement about the job I had also not considered that the job was in Palo Alto and I would hardly see Tom. Plus the pay was lousy and I was over qualified. I thought it was going to be this audio engineering job but all I was doing was brushing gloppy glue onto pieces of paper. (very weird). I awoke feeling very wary about the choice I had made. I don’t want to kill my mouse. Even though she could be a pain in the ass at times. Sometimes she bit me. Sometimes I didn’t have time to clean her cage. But she was my best friend; my companion to see me through good times and bad, and I had tried to shut her out, turn her off until it was convenient for me. I killed her with my selfishness and greed! Poor mouse!